Paradox Me

how can i possibly explain to you that
somehow i am both ends of the magnet
and every day i crawl into your arms with a
rope around my neck
screaming softly in your ear
that i love/hate hating/loving you

and no

i don’t get why
two days ago i rubbed my arm with an alcohol swab to clean off the blood from a
mistake but not an accident
i don’t get why i mop up the mess as i make it

and no

stop telling me to not let the demons win
demons will go away with 100 mm or 200 mm and maybe nausea call me in a week
because there’s only one demon and it’s me
every day

finger to  my lips, you slip the rope off my neck
polarize me until the room stops spinning